What NOT To Do On A First Date

Some conversational “don’ts” are obvious, and some are more subtle. It’s the former that can get you into trouble, so here is my advice.

There was this guy who thought it was a great way to break the ice by telling me how he had been married three times, how he had gotten hurt and used by everyone, and how he was still living with his ex! It didn’t end there — he went on about his scheme to ensure that he got the matrimonial property, etc.

At this point I was thinking, “Why are you telling me all this?”

Dating don’ts are those things you shouldn’t say on a date — ever! When someone exhibits the “don’ts,” the romantic soundtrack in your head turns off and your heart monitor flatlines!

Let’s say you’re going out on a date, and while driving to the restaurant, he flips on the radio and starts singing aloud to it with tears in his eyes, and all of the songs are romantic ballads, and the lyrics are about a guy crying over his lost lover. What would your reaction be? Probably at best to go for a quick drink instead of dinner, gulp down two gin and tonics and call it a date!

The moral is that we don’t want to hear what went wrong on all your past relationships (at least not on the first date). Nor do we want to hear about how your ex was the sexiest, most loving, most devoted being on earth, what her favorite song or drink was, how she was always punctual, etc.!

Never compare yourself to anyone famous on a blind date.

This never works the way we want it to. Even if we are often compared with someone famous, the comparisons are usually wrong. At best we look like a slightly distorted version of the stars. I never met anyone who really looked like the celeb they were compared to. So be careful — unless you’re drop dead gorgeous. Then you can say a celebrity looks like you!

Don’t stare or check out other people on your date!

Nothing is more of a turnoff than noticing that the guy you’re with is staring at the cleavage of the girl in front of him, or that the girl you’re with is making googly eyes at the studly guy at the next table! It could be seen as a sign of insecurity — or at least it will make your date insecure!

If such a thing happens to me, I usually have a wry comment like, “If you ask nicely, you might get the girl to hold the bucket of drool that’s accumulating on your chin as we speak.”

Don’t check out the other people when you’re on a date, because it is an instant turnoff–unless you want to do exactly that!

DON’T ask Your date what they think of you.

Read the signals; they will tell you if your date is attracted or is repulsed by you. Also, have some confidence. Why call attention to your shortcomings?

I had a date with a guy I’d been talking to over the phone who I really liked, and five minutes after meeting him, he asked me if I was disappointed.

My response? I put my hand behind his head, pulled him close to me as if we were going to kiss, and whispered in his ear, “Don’t ever ask me that again!” You should’ve seen the look on his face!

If he had any confidence he would have been able to read the signs, and had a chance at a second date.

Believe it or not, during the rest of the evening he asked me that same question several more times! Let me tell you, this appalling lack of confidence made him less attractive to me each time. I had to put him in the “friends” category — you know, the category that guys hate that means “no sex.”

So, both guys and ladies, remember that self-confidence without arrogance is the most attractive quality.

DON’T have sex on the first date!

Let’s be honest: if she asks you back to her place for coffee, she wants to have sex (or at least some heavy necking)! After all, if she really fancied a glass of pink bubbly, she would suggest a trip to the bar. By the same token, if he suggests Chinese take-away at his place, yet you have to pass by three Ming Ling’s to get there, you know he wants some ecstasy with his sweet and sour pork!

I suppose I’m just getting moralistic with age, but I’ve made a few mistakes in my life, and there are some I’ve learned from. The fact is I think that this rule bothers guys more than the ladies, but if we like you a lot, and we see promise, we’re probably going to lean towards sexual relations eventually. It doesn’t mean we have to sleep with the entire New England football team!

The fact that men don’t like this very much is something I understand, but that’s just the way it is. It’s always better to savor the anticipation!

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